PHASE 1: On the beginning of our path, within our Family of Origin, we may have found ourselves in the midst of chaos, unpredictability, and a general lack of physical order. Growing up in this energy, we probably developed feelings of fear, anger, shame and blame. If this did not occur during our early years, it most likely developed somewhere along the way between the years of 5-25. If not in response to addiction within our Family of Origin, we encountered situations and circumstances in life that resulted in feelings of diminished self-worth, fear, and confusion, leading to the early use of substances. We all remember those early days of experimentation, for the first time feeling less self-conscious, awkward and disconnected, to feeling connected, capable and accepted.  BLISS!!!  And as we remember, one was better than two, and two was never enough.  Off and running!!  (How many years? How many losses?)

PHASE 2:  We are beat up, our livers are shot, we have aged 5, 10, 15, years, tremors have never been this bad before! What has happened to my memory? (I don’t remember…)

Balance while walking is difficult What is the date? How did I get here? DUI? Jail?  Really? I have been in and out of treatment centers, had 2 divorces, lost a myriad of jobs, and experienced repeated bouts of sobriety and relapse. Strangely, I have also developed chronic physical pain to accompany my emotional, mental and spiritual pain, and frequently find myself in the familiar surroundings of Urgent Care Clinics, Hospital Emergency Rooms, and Psychiatric lock-downs. As with us all, I finally reach my “Darkest Moment” – indescribable pain, suffering, and hopelessness. Thoughts of suicide intermingle with a strange knowing that there is help “out there somewhere”.      If not, why do I keep trying??  Finally, I Surrender to the care of a Power Greater than Myself.

PHASE 3:  From the jaws of DEATH, I have been rescued. Somehow, my broken body, mind and spirit are capable of accepting help and hope from an “Unknown Source”. With invisible, yet tangible power and protection, and the help of my Brothers and Sisters, I receive the necessary medical care to prevent an untimely death, begin to eat, sleep and connect. One Day At A Time I scratch my way back. A great new Sponsor, Countless meetings, Steps and Assignments, Commitments and Service Agreements, Forgiving’s and Amends, Light replacing Dark, GIFTS AND TESTS, 6 month, then a 1 year Chip, my Kids want to spend time with me, I receive permission from my Daughter In Law to see my Grandchildren, I am offered a job at a local Homeless Shelter… it sure feels great to help, GIFTS and TESTS, GIFTS and TESTS. “God Shots”, Synchronicities, scores of Coincidences as well as Opportunities to TEST my ability to be HONEST, LOYAL, TRUSTING, FAITHFUL, SELFLESS, and COURAGEOUS. HOW does my HIGHER POWER know exactly where I am WEAK and need to be TESTED???, and the Gifts completely unique to my heart???                            Perfect knowing and application!!  Crazy unbelievable!!

To whatever degree, we are all familiar with the process of walking through these Phases of Addiction. Unfortunately, not all of us experience a positive outcome before untimely death, overdose, or suicide removes us from this temporary Life Stage. For those of us who survive to experience the LIGHT on the other side of the DARK, we understand the importance of the connection to our Recovering Community.

The Purpose of this Blog is to provide HOPE, ENCOURAGEMENT and SUPPORT to our struggling fellows by documenting our TESTS and the                                                                     receipt of UNEXPECTED GIFTS along the PATH.

(Remember, Gifts come in Teeny, as well as Huge packages, Tests come in Teeny, as well as Huge packages…. All scripted and choreographed by our Higher Power)

AMAZING!!

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